He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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