Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
