Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
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Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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