wanna go halves on a baby?
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I cut my penus on the lid.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
