What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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