you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
