And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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