I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
