I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Randomize
