i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
