I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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