dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
