Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
