Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
