Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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