I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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