I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
