the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
