I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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