hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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