It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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