May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
