Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
