she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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