i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
