Actions speak louder than pants.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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