Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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