White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
