how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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