is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
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Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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