she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
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