Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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