I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
