i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
