Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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