Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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