I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize