What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
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