i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize