she looked like the bat from fern gully.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
