I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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