Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
