Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
