I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
