we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
