I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
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I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
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Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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