I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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