Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
now i know why i became what i already was.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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