let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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