just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Randomize
