This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
