am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
