Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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