He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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