Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
