I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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