are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
