Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
We talked him into tasing himself.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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