So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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