Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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