she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
